Feel
by vcbxnzm21
Summary: Teddy Lupin feels no emotions. No happiness, no sadness, nothing. He only feels physical pain. Lily Luna Potter is determined to change that and make him unlock the place where he has hidden his emotions. She WILL make him feel again. T for slight language! Quidditch Fanfic Comp round three entry!


**AN: Alright here is my Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition Round Three submission! **

**My prompts were: Bruises, "He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words." and dialogue: "Forget about it." **

**So I hope that you enjoy and good luck to other quidditch players out there! **

I gasped as the man punched my stomach again. I clutched at the spot as the man turned away from me. "Is that all you got?" I taunted him standing up right again.

The man turned back and got me right in the jaw. "Fuck you," I heard him say. I crumpled to the ground holding my chin and jaw. "And stay down," the man spat at me. I heard him and the group he was with start to laugh. I groaned in pain.

I waited until I heard him and his group of idiot friends walk away. I peeled myself from the pavement and looked in the direction they had gone. I rubbed at my jaw, which already starting to swell, and groaned. He had hit me a lot more than other times I had done this.

That's when I realized that I had to get back to Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny's before anyone woke up. I quickly glanced at my watch hoping that it wasn't too late. I sighed realizing that it was only 3:00 in the morning.

Oh well, I thought. It wasn't as late I would normally stay out but the rush I got from these times was well worth it.

With a crack I apperated away from where I was standing to the house that my aunt and uncle owned. They let me live there for as long as I needed. And seeing that I had low paying job, even if I was 27, I knew that I'd be staying there for a while longer.

I let myself in as quietly as I could, praying that no one was up. It was highly unlikely but I still hoped. Once inside I took a look around. I didn't see anyone and I didn't hear anyone, which was good.

I slowly walked to the bathroom, already feeling sore. I knew that by the time that I got up later today I would be feeling almost nothing again.

That was the whole reason I did this. I couldn't feel anything emotional. I couldn't feel love or happiness or any of that shit. I could only feel physical pain. So on nights like these after everyone was asleep I would go out to a muggle bar. I never visited the same bar twice and I never had more than three drinks. But at the bar I would always find the biggest, toughest guy and I would piss him off. I would piss him off so much that the only thing he could, or would, do was to bring me behind the bar and beat the shit outta me.

And you know what? I loved it.

I loved actually getting the chance to feel for once in my life. But of course nothing lasts forever. I would always heal myself and by morning I was bruise free.

And today was no different.

I stood in the bathroom and lifted my black tee shirt up over my stomach so that I could see the damage. Bruises of all shapes, sizes, and colors littered my stomach. I turned so that I could see my back as well. More bruises were there. It turned so that I could see my sides. I hissed as I gently poked one that covered my entire right side, from my hip to my armpit.

"Teddy?" a small voice asked from right outside the bathroom.

"Lily," I said letting my shirt fall. "What are you doing up? You should get back to bed."

"I could ask you the same question Teddy," the fiery 17 year old asked.

"I was out," I replied curtly before moving out of the bathroom. I flicked the light off before turning to face her.

"Tell me about the bruises," she said.

I was silent.

"Tell me Teddy."

Again I said nothing.

"I'm not letting this go."

"He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words." I told her before moving down the hall towards my room.

Lily followed after me and said, "To hell with silence Teddy. Tell me what's going on or I'll tell my parents."

"What?" I choked out. Lily stared back at me daring to go against her. I ran a hand through my hair, a dark brown color right now, before opening the door to my room. "Fine," I hissed out. "I'll tell you."

Lily walked into my room without a word. She sat on my bed and stared at me. I sat down next to her.

We were both silent for a minute.

"Ever since I was little I've never been able to feel," I suddenly said breaking the silence.

"What do you mean feel?" Lily asked, confusion filling her hazel eyes.

"Like emotions. It's almost like I have no emotions. I don't feel happy. I don't feel sad. The only thing that I can feel is physical pain," I explained. "And very rarely physical pleasure."

"So you go to bars and get beat up?" she asked me.

"It's more than that Lily!" I cried thinking about the feeling I got. "Think about every emotion you've ever had wrapped into one. That's  
what I feel when I get hurt." I paused. "It's the only way I feel."

"Why haven't you mentioned this before?" she asked me looking deep in thought.

"I don't know," I replied.

"We could help you Teddy! You have so many people who love you and care about you!" she cried. "I could help you," she finished quietly looking at the bed.

I placed my hand on her cheek and forced her to look at me. "Lily, this isn't something that you can help with," I told her.

Her hazel eyes flashed with determination and she said, "I have one more condition on not telling my parents."

"What?" I sighed letting my hand fall.

"You come to me the next time you want to go get beat up." I went to say something but she held her hand up. "I don't care what time it is or what day. You come to me and talk."

"Forget about it," I growled out.

"Fine then I'm telling my parents," she said standing.

I sighed. "Fine," I said.

"What?" Lily asked taken aback.

I looked at the ground and said, "Fine. I'll do it." I looked up and meet those hazel eyes.

Lily smiled and kissed my cheek. "Goodnight Ted," she said walking to my door. But she paused. "I have one last question. Is this why you and Victoire broke up?"

I looked at her shocked then sighed casting my eyes downward. "Yes. She hated the fact that I did this. She didn't understand."

"I'm sorry," Lily said. "But everyone has emotions Teddy, no matter what's happened to you." With that she disappeared down the hall to her own room.

What had I just gotten myself into? I couldn't believe that I had agreed to this. I groaned again as I fell against my bed. I knew that I still had to heal myself so I pulled out my wand. I muttered the spell and watched as my bruises slowly faded away.

I had a lot to think about now. I couldn't get what Lily had last said to me before she had left. I didn't have feelings. It just wasn't possible.

I crawled out of my jeans and under the covers of my bed. I slowly fell asleep thinking about hazel eyes and red hair.

* * *

I waited almost a week before the urge to go out and get beat was too strong. I snuck down the hall and slipped into Lily's room.

"Lily," I whispered walking over to her bed. "Lily."

"Ted?" she asked confused opening her eyes.

"Yeah, it's me," I said sitting on the edge of her bed.

"Why are you…" she started to ask until realization flashed across her face. "Oh Ted," she said brushing a piece of my bright blue hair out of my eyes.

"I need to feel Lily," I told her. I didn't know why but my vision suddenly swam with tears. I had to feel.

The redhead didn't say anything. She only pulled me into a hug. I put my head on her shoulder and cried.

I don't know how long we were like that. Lily said nothing. She only held me and let me cry.

I slowly pulled away from her. "Do you feel better?" she asked in a quiet voice as she wiped a last tear from my face.

I nodded and said, "Thank you."

We were both silent then lost in our own thoughts. It was in that moment that I realized that I felt something. I felt…happy and…in love. I realized that I was in love with Lily Luna Potter.

"Lily," I whispered. She looked up at me with those hazel eyes. "Lily, I love you."

"I love you too Teddy," she replied.

I leaned down, my lips less than an inch from hers. She tilted her head up and connected our lips. When I finally pulled away from her we were both breathing hard.

"This is wrong Lily. I'm ten years older than you," I told her. "Plus your dad is gonna kill me."

Lily looked away from me. "I know but I can't help how I feel and if it makes you feel something as well then I really don't care."

I smiled and whispered, "I love you Lily. Thank you for everything."

"But, I have one condition," she replied.

"What?" I asked hesitantly.

"Don't keep your emotions locked away ever again."

And from that day on I never had to sneak out and get beat up just to feel something. All I had to do was go to Lily, the girl who made me feel again.

**AN: Please review and have a great day! **


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